the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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