I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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