I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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