When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
