come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
