I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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