Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
