My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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