epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
