Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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