I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
