I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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