He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His nipple licking is glorious
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