So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
