I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
