i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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