I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My ass is underappreciated
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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