I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
