it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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