She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
