quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
