You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
