It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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