I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
