I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
