you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
