if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
