Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
