What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
