I faked an abortion last night.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
