Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
