So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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