Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
