He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
