One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
