I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
