I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
