The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
