Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
