so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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