Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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