I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
