I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
