I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
