"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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