hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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