I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
