I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
