if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
