Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
