Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i believe in u and ur pee
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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