Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
