fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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